Losing a Pet

Losing a family pet is stressful and heartbreaking but, more often than not, dismissed by others as “no big deal”.  Despite public perception, your loss is real.  A pet can be more than ‘just a cat or dog’.  It is a member of the family and the loss of their companionship is painful.

Unfortunately our culture rarely allows the surviving pet owner to grieve without feeling like they are over reacting.  Many employers don’t recognize the loss as something that deserves bereavement time and friends remark “it was just a pet”.  The grief is real and your feeling of loss should be validated.

About 2 years ago I lost my 16 year-old Maine Coon, Barny.  He had developed kidney disease, and despite treatment, he took a turn for the worse one December morning.  I knew it was time for me to say good-bye.  I had cared for him my entire adult life.  He went to college with me, was in my wedding photos, and was closer to me than some of my immediate family.  I had raised him from 4 weeks old – I had to bottle feed him and litter box train him.  Making the decision to say good-bye was the most heart wrenching one I ever had to make.  But, as someone was kind enough to point out, it is the one gift we can give our pets that we cannot give ourselves.  He was suffering and I could end it for him.

Making the decision:
As pet owners we wrestle the euthanasia decision.  Am I doing this for the right reasons?  Is this just financial or because it may be an inconvenience for me?  Am I keeping him on medication because I can’t let go?  Will he get better?  It is a time when we need to be objective for the sake of our animals, but our hearts are most engaged.   

No matter how your pet passes on, the scars are still very real.  Many grieving pet owners talk about a phenomenon known as “ghosting” where they can still hear or feel the pet.  Sometimes it is sound of their tags tinkling as they walk, for others it is the silence.  In my case, I felt like my arms were suddenly empty, like I had been holding something heavy and just put it down.  I could still feel Barny in my arms at particular times of the day.

Supporting a friend:
As fellow pet owners we need to provide an environment of non-judgmental support.  Who can say what amount of time is needed to grieve a pet or how it should happen?  I was lucky enough to be able to take a day off to “make arrangements” for Barny.  The best way to support a friend is to respectfully tell them you are sorry for their loss and let them tell you what they need.  Maybe they need to reminisce, maybe they need to be busy with other things, or perhaps they need a good cry.  Your support as a friend who doesn’t dismiss their grief as silly is probably the most valuable to them.

Options when you lose a pet:
One of the things that made my decision for Barny a bit easier was that the Humane Society was able to provide a resting place for him.  I did not want to keep ashes on my mantle, nor did I want to bury him in my backyard  - what would happen should I want to move? (Not to mention that it is illegal to bury your pet in your yard in Kitchener or Waterloo.) 

The Kitchener – Waterloo Humane Society provides many services for grieving pet owners including a pet cemetery and columbarium, euthanasia, cremation services and many ways to honour your friend.  I personally chose a burial plot with a headstone and then later I also purchased an engraved stepping stone with his photo on it.  While this is a more pricey combination, it was not about the money, but leaving a legacy equivalent to companionship I received from him.

Honoring your pet:
There are many ways you can choose to remember your pet – a photo, a paw print, a poem, ways to show how that furry or feathered life left a mark on your heart.  The Humane Society also offers ways for you to have a treasured memory including; an urn for your pets ashes, a memorial on our website, or stepping stones as a permanent reminder.

There is no doubt about it, losing a pet is hard.  The K-W Humane Society hopes we can make it a bit easier for you, when the time comes for you to make arrangements, stop in and talk to Arleen our Memorial Coordinator.

For more information, download the Pet Cemetary Brochure.

Kitchener-Waterloo Humane Society:

Since 1927, the Kitchener-Waterloo Humane Society (KWHS) has been responsible for the welfare of animals in the twin cities of Kitchener, Waterloo, and their surrounding communities.  KWHS is one of the largest humane societies in Ontario.  As a member of the community, our mission is to be a proactive leader in providing humane care through education, advocacy and enforcement to promote the well-being of all animals.

For more information, please contact Ward McAlister, Executive Director, or Kathy Innocente, Fundraising & Community Relations Manager at the Kitchener-Waterloo Humane Society at 519-745-5615.